INGAT PESAN AKU

ingat pesan aku. belajar sayang diri sendiri dulu sebelum sayangkan orang lain. so that kau akan jaga hati kau sendiri bila orang lain tak sudi. kau akan halang orang dari lukakan hati kau, sebab kau sayang hati kau.

it doesn't hurt anymore & both of us have moved on and get over it.  i found a guy. he's better than you. i'm sorry for saying that but it's the truth. but maybe because he came after you, i found myself being too careful with love &my heart built a brick out of all those pain that you left even after you've gone
thankyou for being my first love. thankyou for all those sweet highschool love memories.

4 years ago, it was a dream came true for me did you know that? i was 14 when the most perfect guy in school got a crush on me. a senior who's wanted by most of the girls in our school. and yet, you chose me; the so called damsel in distress. i wonder why but i never ask. you did somehow explain, of what makes me interesting in front of your eyes. i'm uniqe and different you said. i'm not that pretty but somehow i can make people notices me.well at least you did. it came across my mind like every second when i was with you, that you could leave just like that any second. i was being extra careful with you, not putting my hopes too high so that i won't get hurt. not loving you that much so that i won't hit rock bottom if you ever left. but i'm sorry that i hurt you for doing that. most of all, i'm sorry for being the first to gave up.


 everyone wonders why the perfect couple of the year break up. who's the one who left? which one of us finally gave up? and i can't really answer that. seriously, why did we break up? i guess all those fights and screaming at 3AM actually does affect our hearts somehow. it took quite some times but finally it happened. we got exhausted. we love each other too much and at one point, those love turns into "i want to own him/her" it's not enough being a special person in each others heart anymore. we want to control everything. movements, talks & even what's in each others head. we want to know everything & when we can't.. we got pissed off and we fought. i'm sorry for saying this but you're the most annoying person that i've ever been with. i hate your smile. i hate it so much till the point i frown each time you smile. whats more, i hate the sound of your voice & i hate your face. i hate that you control my life & i hate that i have to left people because of you. i lost my self & my world to you. 

sorry for being complicated. i told what i want you to think i want but at the same time, i want you to notice that it's not what i want. weird huh? i always thought as if you could read my mind. and you always said that you can read me. the reason behind my every moves. it irritates me that somehow you're always right. for once i want prove that you're wrong. i can't act all innocent in front of you. because you're the first person who knows my motives behind my every words, roads that i took & you always said that you know me better than me. is that so? i guess you're right. and maybe that is exactly why you left. because you knew me. 

i had a crush on your best friend and i'm terribly sorry for that. now that i think about it, it must hurt so bad for the one that you loved, loving the one that you trust the most. i can't imagine being you even for a day. i mean, how could i? i was a monster to you before. i never really meant what i said. i never really did something out of "just because" but i guess you realized that before i did don't you? and that must hurt a lot. to know someone better than they do. to know that they did it on purposed. hurting you just because. again, how could i? you really loved me before right. you did. that's not even a question. i know that better than everyone else and i guess that is exactly why i got tired of you.  more than i do. it's just, sometimes we will get tired of being love so much. i guess that makes both of us to noticed that. but i was.. i was really in love with him; your bestfriend. and i know i couldn't get him in any way possible. and i'm sorry for taking you for granted. i used you. i used your love. i did many horrible things to you simply to see you give up. so that when you finally do, i won't be the bad guy anymore. it will be you, because you're the one who left. doesn't matter why but the fact that you gave up & left, makes you the bad guy.

but you're at fault to you know. you controls me too much and i'm tired of it. all the girls adore you and you're aware of that. you know that you're almost perfect and i hate that part of you so much. the fact that you know exactly how popular you are. you never really listen to my stories and it's all about you. as much as i used you, you used me too. so i guess that's fair enough. you're never really a gentleman. i pay for our every meals and movies & your hug always lead to something else. i gave up on us long time a ago.


now that i fall in love again, i don't want it to complicated like our love did. i want it to be simple & just having fun out of the good in it. left the bad things behind. i want it to be completely different from our story. so i changed. i'm not the girl that you used to know. maybe because i did learnt my lesson. i can't get jealous & it doesn't really hurt anymore. over all of things. it weirds but i guess i used all of my emotions on you. now that you've left me half empty, i forgot. i really forgot how to love again & feel something out of it. anything. i guess can't hurt my feelings if i don't have any.


the fact that we laugh all the time and not screaming at 3AM & fights and not backing off is just.. lonely.. this new guy, he loves me so much and he make sure that everyone knows that you know. he is the kind of guy that girls can only dream off. he's the Tumblr guy. he's a skater and lives in underground world. the bad boy who treats every girl who annoys him like shit. but when he met me, that bad guy turns into a romeo. he is a real prince charming and he puts me above anything else.  i don't want our love story became public like our love did. we rarely fight & i tend to forgive him right away. i really want to be the completely opposite from our story. not that our story is a bad one but i just don't want that kind of ending. to left just because it finally burst out & we just couldn't take it anymore. with him, everything is so simple. he knows my past & i accept his flaws. he loves me for who i am & he didn't make me jealous at all. i know that i said i cant get jealous but with him, it's more like he's the one who won't make do anything to make me feel insecure or jealous. he considers my feelings over all of his movements. but he did a mistake like you did; he made me his world. he loves me too much. and i don't like that. i don't want him to be another you.